what I'm doing

• I'm currently on leave from work for health reasons. I've been feeling burnout, and my bloodwork shows I'm anemic. For the past year or so, I've been caught in a cycle of stress > fatigue > not eating well > fatigue > overwhelm... a doom spiral if you will. My intention around taking this time off work is to rest (like, TRULY rest), gently get caught up on things around my house like organizing and purging, being intentional about my time and routines, and spending time outdoors. I'll write more about my feelings around work and having to take this time off soon.
• Journaling. In the same vein of resting and being intentional with my time, I'm journaling a lot. I'm writing in the morning and evening, trying to note positive aspects of my day. Keeping things positive has been helping shift my mindset and disconnect from everything that's happening in the world. Although I like to be informed, right now innunading myself with world news isn't doing myself any favors.

what I'm thinking about

• AI. Ugh. AI. I both hate thinking about it and think it's important. AI is here to stay, yet AI is a technology that (in my eyes) is problematic in the way it's currently being used. Do I know what an ethical way to use AI is? In our current work landscape, maybe automating rote tasks for more worker freedom, but that's certainly not the current use-case, and with the funding issues around running these giant LLMs, I don't see a path towards that. I'm tired.
• Resiliency. I feel weird about planning for systemic breakdowns, whether that be the cost of basic needs is exorbiant or that infrastructure systems break. It feels both urgent and like I'm wearing a huge tin-hat. So, I plan a garden to grow my own food, live somewhere where water is available without government-owned pipes, and warm my house with energy from the trees on my property. For now, that seems fine?
• Work future. In a therapy session recently, I verbalized that traditional empoloyment simply isn't a good fit for me. I am incredibly skilled in several different areas, yet when I'm employed, that simply doesn't matter and I hate being confined in an arbitrary box. Watching my organization spend thousands of dollars for website updates that would take me 1 or 2 days to do, being positioned under a "communications director" who has never created a organizational communications plan. I'm exhausted and I have so much more to give to the world. Working for myself also scares the shit out of me, but I know it's what I need to do.

I keep getting messages that I'm interpreting to push myself in that direction:

Wheel of Fortune - destiny, change of course. the wheel of fortune is always turning, whether it's fate or destiny. whatever is happening to you, know that it is bringing you closer to your life's purpose.

Six of Pentacles - prosperity, growth, generosity. your long awaited fruits are ready for harvesting. make sure you are generous, both giving and receiving, during this time.

Daughter of Pentacles - daughter of pentacles works behind the scenes and is hardworking and responsible. she has vast inner strength and thrives when in nature.

things I'm enjoying

• what bell hooks taught me about my phone by Emma Deadman
• I wish I could go to Degrowth Summer School in Barcelona.
• This circuit board moon phase/period calendar from Dr. Anuradha Reddy
• I stumbled upon the 2026 Japanese Stationary Awards and I'm resisting buying anything, but inspired to "up my journaling game" with what I already have. Tempting, though. Sheesh.